On Being Sick

I’m sick, but I don’t know why.

I’ve probably been sick a while, but I got a new doctor who managed to prove something is wrong. I’ve felt bad for a long time, but it’s slowly gotten bad enough that it’s becoming difficult to function normally. I’ve been trying things out for a long time, seeing if vitamins or eating/avoiding certain foods would help, but so far, nothing’s worked, and now I can see that it’s not going to be a matter of what I eat.

I don’t really know much, or else I’d share what it is. I don’t really want to share specifics like lab results, but I can share a bit about the subjective experience. I know I feel like I’m on the edge of exhaustion at all times, and I can’t seem to rest enough to recover. In fact, if I exert myself, I still feel it days down the line. I also have back problems, which has caused permanent numbness and burning in my right leg, but that’s probably unrelated.

Well, unrelated? Nothing’s unrelated. Just like everyone around me, I can perceive something’s not right, but I only see a slice of a cycle that’s been in place for a while. Being sick has led to being sedentary, which has hurt my back further, which has prevented me from moving and cooking properly, which has led to weight gain, which has further fed back into the beginning of the cycle.

Maybe cycle isn’t the right word, either. Maybe it’s more like a snowball. Once it’s moving, it’s hard to stop, but if you don’t stop it, it keeps getting more dangerous. I don’t think my problem is anything serious enough to wipe out a village yet, and hopefully, with this awesome doctor on my side, we’ll figure out what’s going on and find a good fix. We’re already following up, so I’m hopeful.